8 Signs You’re a True ‘90s Kid – But What is Truth?

By Dustyn Addington and Chris Partridge

1. If ‘90s kids can truly know anything, it’s that Odd Job was the best character for Goldeneye on N64. But that’s the question, isn’t it—what would it mean to know something?

   

2. Sure, we all agree Rugrats was better than Hey Arnold!, but consensus is a pretty shaky foundation for “knowledge” in any robust sense.

3. If you grew up between the years 1989 and 2000, then you know that Dunkaroos were the best after-school snack. But what if that sensation was just an illusion manifested by an experience machine—Would that make the tastiness of Dunkaroos any less real?

   

4. Maybe it’s just our shared subjective experience filtered through a common cultural narrative, but it’s evident to all ‘90s kids that using a metal slammer in pogs was shameless cheating.

5. Crispy, frosted tips were THE look on all the hottest ‘90s heartthrobs (presuming no Cartesian evil demon was deceiving us, rendering sense data like sight unreliable).

6. All ‘90s kids are plagued the same burning question: Did the Game Gear in Surf Ninjas control human behavior, or did it predict an inevitable future, making choices appear free while being determined?

   

   Branching realities or hard determinism? ’90s kids know what we’re talking about!

7. At time T1, Tommy was the Green Power Ranger. At a later time, let’s call it T2, he was the White Ranger. Given the tenuous nature of personal identity over time and circumstance, can we really say Tommy was the same person at times T1 and T2?

8. Descartes famously argues that, despite the power of skepticism, he knows he exists through a clear and distinct perception. And all ‘90s kids have a clear and distinct perception that they WANT A PIECE OF THAT AGGRO CRAAAAAG!

       

Photo credits: Dunkaroos, Descartes, Guts, Odd Job, Surf Ninjas