“Sword is Mightier than the Pen” Stabbed Author Concedes

27 Jul

by Chris Partridge, Lead Alchemist

BOSTON–Despite prevailing wisdom to the contrary, recent stabbing victim and poet John Fischer conceded today that the sword is indeed mightier than the pen.

“How would a pen be mightier than a sword?” spurted the gut-stabbed Fischer.  “You know who came up with that?  Someone who never got stabbed, that’s for sure.”

According to the police report, Fischer attempted to fend off his attacker by reciting a scathing limerick.  But it was no use.

“That’s an old and often misunderstood adage,” says linguistics Professor Ken Offerman of the University of Iowa.  According to Offerman, the phrase entered lexicon after a deranged pamphleteer viciously slew more than dozen victims with a fountain pen in Victorian England.  “Can the pen be mightier than the sword?” Offerman wonders, “Sure, but only if you use it for stabbing.”

Though pithy, Fischer’s final words, a quote from Faulkner’s “As I Lay Dying”, were lost on his attacker.

Police have described the assailant as a medium build Caucasian male in his late twenties, who will not be carrying a copy of Camus’ The Plague, but is nonetheless extremely dangerous.

Critics warn this is not the first time idioms have resulted in tragedy.  Six months ago racial tensions flared in the streets of Los Angeles after the pot called the kettle “black”.

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